11 weeks left

Everyday we have to take decisions that are not always easy. We have to see the requirement of the situation we are in at that time and take the decision. Back in 2014 when things seemed to be impossible for me, and I felt like I wont be able to live anymore, ending my engagement of two years and a six year relation before that, I took a decision too. The decision I thought that I wont be ever able to take. I am 31 years old and have not dated anyone in my life other than him and I always thought that he will be it for me forever but that was not the case. Being married to my best friend and then having a family with him was all I saw for my future. I was ready to face any problems and any difficulties that would come our way and I did. I went through a lot of hurdles before we got engaged. There was a lot of tension on both sides but then we figured it out. I had my whole life planned with him but then instead of signing the wedding contract I took the decision of sending the engagement ring back to him. At that time many people told me that I took the hasty decision, they told me that I should have compromised to save the relation, which I did. I fought till the last moment. Who would more than me would want that relation to work. When I sit today and think about that decision, at that moment that was the correct decision for me and for him. It was best for our families. We might have worked it out but families were not ready so both of us chose our families and our love for them. For us they were first and our feelings were secondary. We took that decision from our heart and took the leap. I dont regret that decision because in that time I thought that it was the best decision. Do I miss him? Yes everyday, because whatever he was he was one of the closest people to my heart and I would share anything with him. He was everything to me, may be I was not to him. I cannot give anyone that place in my heart. I pray for him everyday that he finds the best in his life and is happy where ever he is. I recently heard this quote about decisions

"You take decisions according to your current situation and priority, with time that may change. That does not mean that your previous decision and priority were wrong.Never regret decisions if your intentions are correct"

Before I used to sit and think that what has it done for me, what should I have done that would have saved my engagement and given me the life I dreamed  of. After all those events in 2014 to this day I am going through things physically and emotionally that I struggle with. I do have problems with my confidence when I stand in front of anyone. I feel that every eye is judging me and is looking at me as I was a failure, or I am a failure. Well, I recently started thinking a little differently. Those were all part of life when I was thinking about every person in the world except me. I didn't think about me. I didn't think that what effect will it have on my life, I was thinking about my loved ones, family friends and the society. I am not saying that we shouldn't do that but we should also think about yourself. Until "you" is not satisfied we cannot help anyone. We need to fill up our tank of love, emotions and feelings before we help anyone else. When we fly, they tell us to secure our oxygen mask first before we help anyone in case the pressure gets low. We have to think about ourselves. Usually the most neglected person in the world is our own selves.
I didn't think that I would be able to take this  trip to Europe for one month to discover myself that I have lost over the years. I need to rediscover "me" because that is something I miss in my life. I need to work on my confidence, my self esteem, my passions and desires because whatever I had until now was about others but now it will be about me. Once I have my tank full I will be ready for the world, to help them and share whatever I have to share. Right now I am scarce on resources...